Have you skipped applying for a position because of what you heard about the manager you would be reporting to? Or, have you ever changed your travel plans because of feedback from a friend, who heard from a friend, of a bad experience at that destination? If yes, your response may have been symptomatic of an infection you contracted, and you did not know it.

Yep!

In 2015, I stopped shaving to grow a beard (I will share the reasons for the beard in another post). As I started to run into people who were not accustomed to me having a beard I was many times cross-examined about my beard decision. These interactions invariably included one or a combination of the following questions or comments.

“Aren’t you afraid of being mistaken for a terrorist?”
“Aren’t you worried people think that you are a Muslim?”
“If I were you I would not grow a beard since you love to travel so much!”
“Are you treated differently at the airport?

On the surface, these and most of the questions and comments I received were ignorant AF! However, on a deeper level, based on my familiarity with the people, they felt comfortable with the line of questioning and commenting because they meant no harm. As a matter of fact, these people were expressing, based on their experiences, fear and concern for my well-being. I also know well, that while they were ‘well intentioned’ expressions of fear, they had the potential for serious debilitating consequences for me as well.

Why is this? Because fear is contagious!

This is a scientific fact. Fear has the potential to spread from one person to another, just like a virus. We know that fear is part instinctive, as expressed through automatic pain responses. We also know it to be part conditioned, as learned through cultural norms, from other people and through experiences. For example, the parenting relationship may present many examples of learnt fear. Many parents do not realize that they unwittingly pass down their fears and anxieties — whether it is a fear of something tangible (spiders, lizards, heights) or anxiety over something less concrete (social skills, finances etc.) based on their reactions when their children are present.

Many times, we do not even realize when someone has transferred their fear to us. We change or cancel plans and forgo opportunities because of angst developed from information shared with us. Moreover, we unknowingly nurture and grow these fears by seeking out others or doing research to confirm them. Even worse, we assume these fears as our own and transfer them to other people. So, while the questions and comments about my beard were not factors I initially considered and were not deal breakers, they became seeded in my subconscious and soon manifested as anticipatory fear. Somehow, I learned and began to expect that because of my beard I may be perceived as a threat and treated with suspicion.

How then do we combat fear contagion?

1. Through conscious self-awareness. Recognizing your emotions as they occur is an essential counter-measure. It is important to be flexible with your emotions and adapt them to your situation. Do not deny your emotions attention but do not be rigid with them either; take the time to process your emotions before reacting to them. Think about the situation you are in (or going into) and identify how you feel (or will feel). Try to choose an appropriate reaction to the feeling rather than just reacting to it. As it relates to my beard experience, I put effort into being conscious of the effects the questions and comments were having on me so as to avoid nurturing and potentiating them.

2. Learn how to identify expressions of fear! Some people are habitually fearful (or should I say overly cautious?). They reflexively look for the bad in everything. Their view of the world is through cynical, skeptical lens. These people have an inherent ability to see the potential downside in things but do not know how to express it skillfully or helpfully. This does not necessarily make them bad people to have around. They often have no clue about the effect they’re having on others. As a part of your conversation, you want to clearly and genuinely describe what you see as the effect of their expressed fear, both in terms that concern you and in terms that will likely concern them. You may also take it a step further by involving them in exploring alternative perspectives.

Then there are those individuals who do not mean you well – AT ALL. Not today. Never. Find a way to identify them and ignore them completely. You don’t need that negativity in your life.

3. Do a counter-investigation. Search the internet or speak to other people that may offer an alternative review to counter the negative feedback you may have already received. This will provide with some information to evaluate your options and by extension will help in ensuring that you are reacting appropriately.

There is much power in the information we transmit and receive every day. Therefore, we must we must be mindful of our interactions and our reactions, considering learned fear expressed as free-floating anxiety, worry and daily insecurity as one of the possible outcomes. Our awareness is key to ensuring appropriate responses.

I think; therefore, I am ... fearless.